WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
