He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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