fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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