even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
and eventually we just all took our pants off
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
