i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
