Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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