woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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