After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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