I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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