Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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