I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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