We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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