Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's blow job season.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
