WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
