Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
