Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
