dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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