i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
