made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
