I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
