you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
