This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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