It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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