i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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