well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
