I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
