I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
