were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
