I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
