I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
