Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
