Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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