either way he was missing a nipple.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
