are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
