Where is the hickey?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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