"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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