omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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