she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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