bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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