So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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