I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
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I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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