also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
