The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
