i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
