Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
