we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
