There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
