Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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