Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
