I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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