I'm gonna have a badass scar
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
