Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize