i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
