You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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