The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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