I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
