Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
