Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(712): View more from Iowa

i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid

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(719): View more from Colorado

She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time

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(212): View more from New York

You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..

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(858): View more from California

No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.

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(407): View more from Florida

Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.

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(214): View more from Texas

So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.

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(419): View more from Ohio

Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?

(1-419): View more from Ohio

Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.

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(239): View more from Florida

Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear

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