My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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