Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
