oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
