if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
