the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
