I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
