your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
