Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
