That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
