just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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