you turned your livingroom into a bong?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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